Reason to Change
by IlovemyDeanBean
Summary: Jing Mei gets a letter, that throws her world off, sending everything around her spiraling. Or maybe she needs to go visit someone special?


_

* * *

I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away_

* * *

_"What do you think?" she rested the letter on the table, pushed it across to  
Carter._

_The diner was dark, light pouring from the crack in the door. He watched the  
side of her jaw tense and untense, her hand at the back of her neck. He picked  
up the letter , dog-earred and crinkly."It's up to you."_

_"I miss him.But what am I supposed to say, John?" her eyes wide, filled  
with overwhelming desperation. "Hi, I'm Jing Mei -" "I can't do that", Carter recognized the crack in her voice and inched his hand  
over to cover hers. Jing Mei shook her head,"Because I'm not". He leaned back in the chair, arms across his chest. "Sounds like you already know  
what you want to do." _

_"I was hoping you would change my mind." Jing Mei sighed, slipping the letter back  
into her coat pocket._

* * *

_And be the one who catches all your tears  
Thats why i need you to hear_

_I've found a resaon for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new_

* * *

_"You going to be okay??" Carter yelled from the ambulance bay. His hands planted firmly in his gloves,  
scarf tucked tightly around his neck, masking his nose and mouth from the cold breeze._

_In comparison, her arms hung at her side, a shiver going through her spine each time an icy breeze  
passed her, swirling around. "I'm fine, John"._ _He stood back and watched her head towards the El, head bowed._ _"Carter, MVA coming in. One DOA, the other...." Chuni waved her hand in front of his face."Carter?"_ _He shook his head, "Yeah?" Carter gave a slight smile, something to reassure the nurse she had his  
full attenion."How far out?"_ _"A few minutes", she stood beside him, and tried to follow wherever his eyes were going.But the  
shadow just passed around the corner. "You got it?"_ _Carter nodded._

_

* * *

and the reason is You_

_

* * *

_

_  
There was a single minute you got in Chicago, right before the day turned into night, before gray  
faded into black. It was right before the chill set in, and things froze over. She walked quickly,  
eyes focused on the end of the road. Her legs kept walking to what seemed to be the "end", but just  
lead Jing Mei farther and farther away.

* * *

_

_"Oh I can't..." Jing Mei whimpered, throwing her head back on the pillow._

_  
  
"Yes you can, just one more push, come on now...you're doing great. You're doing great", John leaned against  
the bed, his hand in hers, her fingers squeezing tightly. "Is it over?" she asked quietly, her jaw tensed in pain. "Almost" "It's a boy, nice and healthy. Do you want to hold him?"Dr. Colburn called. "No" she answered, looking away as Carter gave her a glance. "Are you sure?" _

"Yes" Deb answered quickly, turning her head away.

* * *

_It was like a nightmare that washed over her. Jing Mei stopped, resting her shaking body against a mailbox  
taking quick and simple breaths to slow down her racing heart._

_Time and distance had turned into one big flashback. Snapping back to reality, Jing Mei  
tried to make sense of the cross streets, local diners and her new surroundings._

* * *

_"Deb, are you having second thoughts?" he asked quietly, bending down at her side._

_"I've always had second thoughts." Jing Mei answered softly, her eyes on the bundle in her arms.__"What's changed?"__"I saw his face. I'm being selfish, I have the money to raise him, there's not a reason why I can't." Jing Mei looked up  
and tried to search Carter's face, for some sort of sympathy. Understanding.__"There's a couple out there who desperately want to raise a child.."

* * *

_

_"Hi" the taxi driver was a small older man, with wrinkles around his eyes. He left the car running as he rolled  
down the window . Their eyes met as they both watched his breath form into a cloud in the cold Chicago air. "You're  
the one who called for a taxi?"_

__

* * *

_I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you_

_

* * *

_

__

_"Hi" , she smiled at the parents._

_"Hi," James replied, his hands at his side. She watched the couple, the new fearful look in their eyes.__"What's his name?"__"Michael, Michael Alexander". The man seemed to perk up as Jing Mei handed the bundle over to his wife, the glow in Linda's  
eyes bringing tears to Jing Mei's.__"Hey Michael..." Jing Mei reached out as the baby's hand came out of the blanket.__James watched as his wife craddled the baby, and started humming under her breath._

__

__

* * *

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you_

* * *

"_HI!" He was a small boy, with a wide toothy grin and large hazel eyes. He seemed to be bouncing off the walls with excitement. "I'm Michael. Are you a friend of Mama's?"__Jing Mei nodded slowly. "It was nice to meet you, Michael."__"MAMAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the little voice yelled, hiding behind the door, watching Jing Mei fidget  
with her jacket.__"Jing Mei...hi" Linda swept a piece of loose hair behind her ear. "You , come in".__Michael watched the new woman carefully and trailed at his mom's heels as they turned the corner to the living room.__"I see you met Michael" Linda said quietly. "We were waiting for you to call-"__A slow smile crept over Jing Mei's lips as she caught the little boy peeking at them from around the corner.  
"I was in the neighborhood..."_

__

__

* * *

_I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you  
_


End file.
